First off, let me just say that the following post is my opinion. Not the final say, not a doctor’s advice. Nothing. Just me. If you are easily offended, you should stop reading now. Also, let me just go ahead and say that my husband doesn’t have a porn-addiction problem. I know how rumors can get started.
Why is talking about sex so taboo in the church? God created it for our pleasure and enjoyment within our marriage. But no one ever really talks about it in a positive light. All we hear is “Don’t do it until you’re married.” Hmmm.
Pornography is a problem. Right?? 59% of MARRIED CHRISTIAN men look at porn!!! I don’t know about you, but that’s shocking to me. That means that there’s a chance that your husband (yes, yours!) is looking at pornographic magazines, watching pornographic movies or fantasizing about someone other than you. Is your man to blame? Yes, of course he is. In Ephesians 5:25, MSG, it says “Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church-a love marked by giving, not getting.” I interpret that in many different ways. Jesus would never cheat on us. When you’re looking at porn, you are cheating on your spouse!!!!
Now here’s the part where you might not like what I have to say….Are we, as wives, to blame for our husband’s porn addiction?
That’s a hard question to take in. But chew on it for a moment.
Colossians 3:18, MSG, says “Wives, understand and support your husbands by submitting to them in ways that honor the Master.” Did you hear that? Support. Understand. Nowhere does it say nag, complain about what you don’t have, degrade or boss him around! We are to honor our husbands. Build them up. Encourage them. Love them.
So now let’s talk about how we can do this. Real talk. No filter. Ok?
Guys are simple. They can be like cavemen at times. You know that you get tired of putting the toilet seat down/washing their underwear or whatever other menial task we loving wives do to take care of our man. So I’m sure the last thing on your mind, most days, is sex.
Now, I’m not a guy. But if I had to guess one of the reasons guys look at porn, it would have to boredom/unsatisfying sex life. Yes, bored and unsatisfied with us. Bored with our ponytails, the 10+ extra pounds we’ve gained over the years, our ugly bathrobes and hello kitty house slippers, and our not-at-all-sexy flannel pajamas. It’s like he’s living with his little sister!! I dare you to throw those pajamas away. In fact, burn them. Go to Victoria’s Secret and buy something lacey, racy and sexy! Go to the gym. Lost that weight. No, for real this time. Exercise is also very good for your sex drive so not only will you gain confidence as you lose weight but it also increases your testosterone (you won’t grow a beard) which, as we know, makes our husband’s sex drive quite larger than ours. Fix your hair. Wear your eyeliner the ways he likes it. Yes, my husband notices those things. Dig down deep and find your inner pin-up girl!
Now for the graphic part. Again, if you’re easily offended, now would be the time to stop reading.
The Bible is clear on one thing. Sex between a husband and wife is hot. Read Song of Solomon. Ask your husband to read it to you and watch what happens. It’s dope y’all.
Hebrews 13:4, MSG, says “Honor marriage, and guard the sacredness of sexual intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit sex.” In other words, try any position your husband requests. Stop worrying about your butt/thighs/belly/whatever. Seriously! Try role-playing. Don’t wait on him to show an interest in sex. Jump him as soon as he gets home from work. Surprise him in the shower. Get in with him!!! Try not saying no for a whole month and watch your man glow.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5, MSG, says “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality-the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve each other, whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissable for a period of time if you both agree to do it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting-but only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenius way of tempting us when we least expect it.”
So in other words, if you’re so busy saying yes all the time, will he have much free time to look at porn? Probably not!!
Another thing. Oral sex. Just do it. If you don’t enjoy it, see above scripture. If you don’t know how, ask him. I promise he’ll be more than happy to give you direction.
Am I saying to be a doormat/sex slave to your husband? To do things your totally against? No. Colossians 3:19, MSG, says “Husbands, go all out in love for your wives. Don’t take advantage of them.” That’s pretty clear.
So step out of your comfort/lazy zone. Yes, we all get lazy. You will get amazing results. Now go! Go get your husband!!