You know it’s God when the peace is there, but not the logic

20121119-221524.jpg

Well, it’s done. Me and the girl are going up the mountain and me and the girl will return.

When God makes you a promise, you really have no idea when it will be fulfilled (unless He tells you specifically). But in the meantime, you must trust Him daily.

If you don’t know, I have just recently finished my court trial over custody for my 7 year old daughter. It took 8 months of waiting, 4 days of trial, 27 days for an answer, and a 30 second phone call for my world to come crashing down. The judge ruled in her dad’s favor. As I was sitting, looking over the order she had written, I was in shock and disbelief. She says in the order that I am a GREAT and NURTURING mother. But that I shouldn’t have baptized her at the age of 6 because she didn’t understand what it meant. Bella could out-preach half the pastors I know. She knows what it means and how significant it is. Because of 3 things, I lose. I lose my legal rights. I lose any say-so in her upbringing, extra-curricular activities. Where she goes to school. I. Lose. I’m sure you’re wondering what these reasons could be, what did I do that was so bad that she stripped me of everything. Well I’ll tell you.
1.) She missed 10 days of school, 7 that were unexcused, while she was with me.
2.) Because my husband works out of town, leaving me with 3 children by myself, which takes away from one-on-one time with her.
3.) I threw away an antibiotic that was giving her diarrhea.
Because of these 3 things, the judge decided that Bella’s father was more stable and able to take better care of her. Shocked? Yes. I was too. As I’m reading this, I was crying harder than I’ve ever cried in my life. In fact, the next morning I look like I’ve been in a boxing match. I love my children so much. I’ve made sacrifices for them, just like any mother does. There are moms out there who allow their kids to live in homes with meth labs in the basement, crack houses. There are moms who physically, sexually and mentally abuse their children, yet they still have custody of them. How could this have happened to me??

Of course my flesh wanted to fight and appeal. And that’s exactly what we did. I told my attorney, “Whatever it takes, whatever the cost.” But God had other plans for me and Bella. You see, when she was 4 years old, God told me, in an altar, “If you give her to me, I will give her back to you.” Ok God! Cool! She’s yours!!! After court was over, He said, “Ok now really give her to me and I’ll give her back to you.”

I don’t know what that looks like. I’m at God’s mercy and on His timetable. But He told me not to fight. “Let me perform this spiritual surgery on her, and you cannot be a part of it.” He kept reminding me of the scripture in Exodus 14:14 “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” I mean, I would see this everywhere, in the most random places!!

This is the prequel to my last post. Those were all the things God used to reassure me.

So for now, I get to see my daughter, the one I carried in my womb for 9 months, the baby I swore was a boy but cried when I found out she was a girl (because that’s what I wanted), the one I named, the one I woke up with all night to breast feed, the one I rocked constantly because of colic, every 2nd and 4th weekend of the month. And whenever her father is gracious and kind enough to allow me to see her more.

Radical obedience produces radical blessings. God made me a promise and God does not lie. So until the day that promise is fulfilled, I will be seeking and crying out to Him daily because “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” (Psalm 51:17)

I now will be fattening the calf for when the prodigal daughter returns.

20121119-221701.jpg

3 thoughts on “You know it’s God when the peace is there, but not the logic

  1. Your trust and obedience in the midst of such shock, loss and despair are a testament to faith and will serve God’s good and perfect purpose. My story is a little different but the common note is having to let a child (children) go. Ours were foster children and we had no say in the matter. We had to be still and trust God, knowing that He is good. That His plan is good. He put our family back together 2 years later and we have since adopted both children. The waiting and uncertainty was hard but God was faithful. You and your daughter will be in my prayers.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s