Pitching tantrums

The day is getting closer. The day that I have to tell Bella that we’re not fighting anymore. This will the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do up to this point in my life. I feel like a toddler before the Lord, pitching the biggest tantrum. I’m kicking, screaming, crying hysterically, begging Him not to make me do this. Or maybe a cat who’s owner is trying to dunk her in the bathtub, scratching, clawing and biting to find a way out of it.

I don’t want to disappoint Bella. I don’t want to hurt her. I know her heart and I know where she wants to be. She’ll whisper in the phone to me, “I want to come home, mama.” To hear and know those things are devastating as a mother. So now, to have to walk out what God has asked me to do, well, some might think I’m crazy. People thought Noah was crazy. Look how that turned out.

This is the scripture God used to speak to me, and to confirm my decision.

As you have therefore received Christ, [even] Jesus the Lord, [so] walk (regulate your lives and conduct yourselves) in union with and conformity to Him. (Colossians 2:6 AMP)

I’m walking I’m unity with Him, even though, to me, it doesn’t make sense.

So then He shows me this:

Jesus said to him, You do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later on. (John 13:7 AMP)

And this:

A man’s steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way? (Proverbs 20:24 NIV84)

But mostly this:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; (Proverbs 3:5 NIV84)

So now my prayer is that Bella trusts me like Isaac trusted Abraham.


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