You want me to do what?!



Artist: Nicolas Poussin- “The Adoration of the Golden Calf”

1 Corinthians 10:14: “Therefore, my dear friends, flee from idolatry.”

The Greek word, Eidololatreia, for idolatry in this particular scripture means “to worship false gods”.

About 2 months ago, I was seeking God in a way that I had never sought Him before. I went on a 10 day fast. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:16, “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full.”

Two things stand out to me in this scripture:

1) We are supposed to fast!! He said “when”, not “if” and 

2) Shut up about it! I’m talking about it now because my fast is over. And what God revealed to me during this time was life-changing.

He showed me I was an IDOLATER.

Do you know how God feels about idolaters?? Let me share some scriptures with you.

In Exodus, while Moses was on the mountain with God, the Israelites for bored and told Aaron to build them a god to worship. Idolaters!! Hmph. We would never do that, right?

When Moses came back, God told them, basically, to start killing each other by sword! The ones that were left were set apart. This is all in Exodus chapter 32 if you want to read it all for yourself. You should. Don’t just take my word for it!!

Then there’s the whole “10 Commandments” thing. I’m sure you’re familiar with those (Exodus 20). The first two say:

1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me

2)Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven images…

I’m sure by now you’re wondering what I was worshiping. Well I’ll tell you.

It was Bella.

Ever since my separation, I carried so much guilt because I knew it wasn’t fair to Bella. But what was MORE unfair to her was modeling an unhealthy marriage. I didn’t want her settling for the same things I did.

I always put her first. Before my current husband, my other 2 children, and yes, before God. I was living in fear, which doesn’t come from God (read 2 Timothy 1:6-7), that if I didn’t go above and beyond for her, she would resent me, feel lack; you name it, I was feeling it. So our whole lives revolved around Bella. Her feelings, schedules, any and all of it. I can’t imagine how that must have made my husband and other children feel. Ugh.

But I never would have known any of this if I had not fasted and prayed. It’s only then God can show you things about yourself that you may not see otherwise. I was so humbled when God revealed this to me. I felt sick. I couldn’t believe that I had been living like that for so long and not even know it. All I could do was weep and praise God for His grace.

So now, there is a new structure in our family. (See Ephesians 5:22-23 and 6:1)

I’ve let go of the guilt. It died on the cross with Jesus. When I pick it back up, it’s like I’m crucifying Him all over again.

God has healed my family because of prayer and fasting. Even though we’re not all together all the time, we are all at peace in our home. Everyone sees a happier and less stressed mommy. That is a wonderful feeling.

What are the idols in your life? What or who do you put before God? Don’t know? Fast. Yes, fast. I know it’s hard. But if you’re hungry and desperate for God, that is the fastest (no pun intended) way to hear His voice. Pray. Ask Him to show you the idols in your life. Then lay them down. There’s so much freedom when you put God first. Like, really first.



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