It’s been a while!

So, I know it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. I think that I just forget sometimes that I can verbally barf on this platform. My goal is to try and blog once a week. My problem is that there are so many things I want to write about! Fashion, God, family, love…random things. I like to keep y’all on your toes.

My post today is about God. I have been feeling, especially lately, that He wants me to really press in more. Pursue Him with everything I have in me. Reckless abandon. But, I am a stay-at-home mom of 3 wild and crazy monkeys. So I don’t have a lot of free time. My youngest fell asleep in the FLOOR, so that’s how I got away today. 🙂

Ok, back to God. I was reading in Mark 11 and came across a scripture that kind of baffled me. 

When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” Mark 11:13-14

I was confused by this because I thought, well Jesus would have known it wasn’t the season for figs. He also could’ve told the tree to produce fruit immediately. But instead, he cursed it. And the author makes sure that we know that the disciples heard Jesus curse the tree.

Now onto the next thought. This is a good one, y’all.

As you keep reading, it talks about the walking around, you know, hanging out. Peter (this guy was awesome) notices that the tree Jesus cursed, had withered. So here comes the lesson. You know how Jesus does!! 

“Have faith in God…I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11;22-25

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This kind of had me reeling. It takes faith to cast a mountain into the sea. Yes, we see that. But what really got me going was the connecting AND to verses 24 and 25. It showed me that it takes more than faith. We must have a pure heart towards our neighbor. 

I really started thinking about this and realized (gasp!!) that even though I think in my mind that I’ve forgiven people, I “unforgive” them everyday. I pick up that anger and bitterness and UNFORGIVENESS every stinkin’ day!! How can God bless me and forgive me if I’m constantly unforgiving the people in my life that have hurt me or hurt me on a daily basis? 

This is going to take some work. 

Are you unforgiving people on a daily basis? 

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.” Proverbs 4:23 NLT

Wow. I can’t even breathe right now.

So, Solomon, you’re telling me to let go? Or it could alter the course of my life?? That’s heavy. Really heavy. Unforgiveness hurts us, not the people we don’t forgive. We have to guard our hearts. Would you agree that forgiving is a way to guard our hearts?

I have a lot of letting go to do. I hurt daily because I lost custody of my daughter. Every time I have to ask if she can spend the night on a day that’s “not mine”, I get angry. I don’t forgive. I think, “why, why, why”. I wonder, if I changed my attitude and guarded my heart, if God would deliver on His promise sooner. 


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